I’m jealous of my sister 🥺

And I feel so shitty for that. I’m happy for her. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m so jealous.

She married her high school sweetheart. He’s a doctor. She’s a teacher. They live in sunny California on the coast. They have a beautiful little boy who is about to turn 1. Her husband’s family is amazing. He has so many siblings. They have a lot of money and they basically fund most things. They’ve bought them THREE houses in three different states. They’re all healthy, fit, seriously physically stunning people. They get to travel a lot. Their son is like a dream baby, he’s always happy.

I hate that I compare myself. It makes me feel miserable and ungrateful. But my husband… ugh. Well. We have problems. He’s seriously emotionally abusive (but is working on that in therapy, I just don’t have much hope, and am considering divorce tbh). He’s generally just unpleasant. Doesn’t ever want to do anything except play video games. He works a lot and is always gone. Both of our kids (WHOM I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING) are neurodivergent with autism/ADHD. They’re hard. I won’t lie. Parenting is really really hard some days and I just cry with how hard it is sometimes. It limits me on what I can do. If I take them to a store they get overstimulated and tend to meltdown within an hour. So I’m mostly stuck at home…alone. I live 500+ miles away from everyone I know, because of my husband’s job in the military. We don’t have a lot of money. We don’t get to do much. I’m really isolated and unhealthy with some kind of chronic illness that’s yet to be diagnosed (working on that). I gave up my teaching career because it was becoming too much to switch jobs every time my husband PCSed (moved due to military orders). My husband’s family sucks ass too. Even though they live near by, they hate me, they want nothing to do with their grandkids, and are basically just as abusive as my husband is.

I’m just… ugh. I hate I’m so jealous. My sister just sent a bunch of pictures from their spontaneous mid January vacation and I’m sooo fucking envious. It really hurts.