We've had fun these last few days

So I'm in this relationship..

I'm often not happy

I feel taken advantage of. Physically and emotionally and financially.

And I was planning to leave.

But now we've had a few good days and I'm secondguessing if it's all such a big deal.

If it's worth throwing around my life and our kid's life..

And I think it is. But I feel like when I want to leave him I need to give him all these explanations and reasons and explain myself and he'll go blame me for lying to him about my feelings and such. Blame me that I mean the world to him and that I am not doing him thesame favor or something.. He has also threatened to commit suicide if I leave him.

and when we've had a few good days.. I feel it's not as strong anymore..

I don't know..

@Rosaelee

it's been 8 years.

There's also my stepkids whom I love very much.

I have had a chat with the eldest a couple of weeks ago. He told me that he would completely understand if I would leave, that his dad is often really unfair towards me.

He did appreciate the conversation because when his parents split he really took blame in their parting. Not rightfully so, obviously, but he had to go through therapy etc.

I almost left last year, in july, and my partner wanted a year to prove to me that it could get better. We're only January and I don't think we'll make it until june.. He'll see it as a breach of contract almost, because I promised him "a year"