So today I [F17] started writing a journal about how I’ve been feeling today I wrote about a paragraph (which I won’t include lol) then I thought I’d casually mention my crush in it but I just kept writing. I thought I’d post it on here for some outside opinions and advice. It reads as follows…

I have both started developing a crush on a great guy and accepted that I am definitely bisexual. I feel like I have so many opportunities in front of me at the moment. This is the first time in a while that I have allowed myself to feel this way about someone. I could really see a future with this guy, but I don’t know if my life would fit with his as I am going off to college by the end of summer. He is cute, kind, funny, smart, and is someone I feel like I get along well with. I’ve also seen him in a relationship before and he is so romantic. He is like someone out of a book. I so badly want to wrap my arms around him and snuggle, go paddle boarding together, read together, have pillow fights, watch movies together, sleep in the same bed, go camping, go to concerts, and kiss him. I can picture a life together with him. He is the whole package. He fits the nerdy category, but he is so much more than that he’s sarcastic, silly, mature, passionate, hardworking, sporty, and just plain adorable. He mostly uses a small smile (which is so cute) and he doesn’t fully smile that often but when he does he lights up the room. I could listen to him talk forever. He practically glows when he’s talking about things that he is interested in. Some of these include history, engineering, his cat, and his job(s). Plus he loves animals which is definitely important for any romantic partner I would have. And what might be one of the most important things is that he is very unproblematic and his family is also pretty great.

I didn’t realize just how much I like him until I started writing this journal today…

Let me give you some background before I continue. So, his mom and my mom are best friends and have been since we both moved into our houses about 7 years ago (we are neighbors two doors apart). I see him and his family a decent bit. At the very least, our families all hang out every couple weeks or so. We all mostly order takeout come to either one of our houses and hangout/ talk to each other for a couple hours, but we also have beach houses close to each other and all of us spend time together there too. When our families hang out him and I often spend a lot of the time talking to each other or hanging out together at the beach. This past summer I also got him a job where I was working and we carpooled together and got to hang out at work. I also even got invited to go with him and his mom to an AJR concert last may because they had an extra ticket.

Ok now that you are pretty much caught up I’ll continue.

I think we would be great together, but I’m bit hesitant to pursue a relationship with him. Firstly, as I mentioned before, I’m going off to college at the end of the summer (not sure exactly where I still haven’t made my decision on which college). He isn’t because he is still a junior. Plus, I’ve never been in a relationship before and I’m scared to commit to a relationship that will be long distance in a couple months. Especially since me and him rarely text and mostly do our talking when we are together (which again is every couple of weeks or so). We have kind of an interesting friendship because of this. Clearly we aren’t forced to hangout/talk to each other but we haven’t quite moved into the kind of friendship where you consistently spend time together and text each other often even though when we are together we can hang out and talk for hours. I’m normally somewhat introverted and he kind of is too, so that might of played a part in neither of us initiating further communication. I’ve thought he was cute pretty much since I’ve known him, but I haven’t really allowed myself to see him romantically until recently because my step sister had a crush on him for two years and ended up dating him around when Covid started. Their relationship didn’t last long. They only dated for like two months. Plus they were both in middle school. He was aware at the time that she liked him for those two years, but he didn’t like her back at first. But they became close and he caught feelings. Their relationship ended kind of bad. She lost feelings after only dating for like two months and then she ghosted him for a week or two then broke it off without really giving him a reason. I lost a lot of respect for my stepsister because of how she handled that. But she already was a lot less close to me than she was before dating because she basically stopped talking to me when they started dating. But that’s besides the point. They dated and broke up around the time covid started and they both have moved on. They can hangout without being too awkward now, but there are definitely no romantic feelings between them anymore lol. They both have talked to or dated other people too. Their relationship was short, kinda awkward, and a long time ago. We all joked about their relationship the last time we all hung out. I am vey very sure that them dating won’t be an issue but I thought it was some important context as to why I have only just recently have had a crush on him/ considered dating him. I am also worried that if we chose to date and we broke up that our friendship wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t want things to be awkward when I would see him. Plus, I’m not sure if he would ever/will ever like me more than just a friend.

He is currently single and he has been for the most part after dating my stepsister. I’m not sure if I should pursue a relationship with him or not. I figured it might be a good idea to come on here and ask for outside opinions. I really would like to date him and I could see us having a future together, but I don’t know what I should do. I definitely want to start spending more time together (as friends) and maybe see if it goes anywhere from there. I don’t know if I’d be brave enough to ask him out though. Please share your thoughts, opinions, and advice.