I keep thinking about past and mistakes I made .. and it’s causing me to want to kill myself or I rather die.

I’m thinking bout how others would think of me because of my past and judge me for what I have done or a embarrassing video that I don’t know about that’s out there. My brain keeps repeating itself. I don’t know what to do . I don’t want to leave my babies but it’s killing me everyday . All I want to do is sleep because I wont think. But I wake up and have to rethink it again. The hardest is I’m a mom and so I have to put my mom pants on but when I send them off to school and put them down for bed I go back and think . I really need help . Sometimes I go to my closet and cry for my children won’t hear me . It’s killing me in the inside y’all pls someone talk to me help me . I have sisters and brother but I’m not comfortable to tell them. Like I’m the oldest what would they think of me.

I just rather vent on here. Pls Pray for me pls