Can’t leave my one sided depression marriage

So my sister and everyone I know is upset with me and I understand why. I been praying to leave this marriage for so long and when I finally get the doors open to leave I just can’t because I feel bad that my spouse will hurt himself or do something, crazy plus I’m just not ready for war with him and starting over my energy is too low to do anything as I tried so hard to work on my marriage I didn’t store any energy for me….. I am so weak, exhausted, sick , depressed and here I claim I know God but won’t trust him in faith I am ashamed for myself ….