Would you be annoyed?

Question

My BIL is always at my house it seems like. My husband even gave him a key to our house ‘in case I was ever locked out one day’ 🥴
Every time he shows up, my five year old son acts up. 
Yesterday he was here and my son ran back in crying, saying, “my uncle doesn’t like me, he hates me, he never wants to play with me” 
I believe him. His side of the family is emotionally abusive, including my own husband. I am trying my best to work on problems with my husband. 
My BIL doesn’t respect boundaries and my husband doesn’t enforce them. 
Here’s some things he’s done; 
1. Comes to my house and look in the window because he notices my son 
2. When we were living with my MIL he got mad at me and messaged my husband, “she won’t let *my son* see mom, she’s mad, mom is crying. (I was holding my 6 month old and I told my son to go in the room and get ready for bed. It was WAY pass his bedtime and if I let her see him, she would let him stay up late. She doesn’t want my kids going to bed until like 12 am) 
3. Knocked on my bedroom window early in the am because I didn’t open the door
4. I was giving my daughter a bath, getting ready to pick my son up from school just to find out he already got my son from school (I was not happy) 
5. Today——  I was just getting home from crackle barrel with my son and daughter. We had a good day. My son sees him and starts crying. My BIL messages my husband, “dude, she just got home, she took him out of the car and he was crying. Tell her to let him play outside. She looks mad. That’s why I came here” 
I was holding my sleeping one year old and food in my arms and struggling to get inside. Not to mention, I need to take a shower and get the kids ready for church. 
My husband messages me, “you know it doesn’t hurt to let him play outside” 
That defeats the whole purpose. He can’t just show over when he wants and expects to get my son. That’s not how it works. And why in the world do I not even wanna go to my house anymore, thinking he is spying on me, telling my husband my every move? It’s ridiculous!

Answer

Your problem isn’t necessarily your brother in law. Your husband is the big problem. Focus on what’s important, and the root of your issues. 
You say he’s emotionally abusive.  If that’s the case, you need to make some moves to protect yourself and your children. Do you have any desire to leave him and focus on the well-being of you and your children, or are we just going to focus on the brother in law?

Answer

The problem is your husband.

Answer

You really need to sit down and talk to your husband. Your husband needs to set boundaries. You should not feel uncomfortable in your own home.

Answer

This sounds like stalking, honestly. He’s outside your window peering in? He’s showing up at your house, watching you and your kids, and reporting back to your husband? Hell no. That’s creepy and inappropriate. 
I’d insist that you either get the key back or change the locks. I’d refuse to respond to any messages or calls. If he shows up unannounced, I wouldn’t answer or acknowledge him. 
But the biggest problem here is that your husband isn’t acknowledging how inappropriate his family’s behavior is, and putting a stop to it.

Answer

Your husband is the issue and needs to stick up for you and enforce boundaries with his brother

Answer

Not to mention, I’m also 27 weeks pregnant. Did he expect me to be happy seeing him at my house unannounced?

Would you be annoyed?

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