Losing my baby boy

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant has my dr’s appoint on 5/9/2023 in the morning everything was good but the midwife. Couldn’t find his heartbeat. Later that day I also had an ultrasound and so my midwife said not to worry that instead of being 11 weeks I would but be 10 weeks.

I went to my ultrasound. I could see the sac and everything but no baby. So the technician said she was going to do a internal exam because I could less then what we expected. During the vaginal exam she didn’t say much and didn’t show us anything and finished up and said okay I’ll let you clean up and I’ll come back to let you guys go. At that point I was getting more concern bc when the tech leaves like that without showing us and telling us I knew it was bad and kept my hopes up.

After 5 mins of waiting, I receive a call from my midwife saying that she hasn’t gotten my images yet but they had called her and told her that my baby was measuring at 7 weeks and without a heartbeat. It took me a while to process it and I started balling my eyes out. My midwife called me back later and gave me my options to help get baby out. I still wanted a second opinion so I requested one but would have to pay out of pocket for it. I wanted to make sure that my baby is really gone and not here anymore before I proceed with the procedures of helping get him out.

I’m having a really hard time accepting the fact that this is happening. But I’m telling myself that he only came to stay with me for a bit to help me become stronger. I got this. But im still having a very hard time coping with it.