Fell asleep while rocking my baby! Would your instincts wake you up if you were so sleep deprived?

My 3 month old high needs baby has been feeding every 2 hours at night and scream-cries when bottle isn’t ready. When he cries long and hard enough his reflux makes him vomit (he ended up choking one day; it was horrifying) so I always try to stay up so I can be ready with a warm bottle.

I have been doing this for 2 months straight because doctors are worried he isn’t feeding enough and gaining weight.

It’s only my husband and I and he works 5 hrs M,T,Th. 15mins away, 8 hours W-F at home.

Before we would take shifts but my baby started to only want me and will not stay asleep if he is the one with him/feed him. He also has been wanting to sleep more before work so he wants me to try my best not to wake him for his night feedings.

I was so tired since I’ve only been surviving staying up for 2 weeks on 3-4 cups of coffee, so this morning when i was trying to put him to sleep on recliner., i fell asleep with him in my arms for about an hour. I woke up not sure if he slept too or was awake, fussing / crying the whole time. He usually naps for 20-30 mins max and wake times 50min to 90mins max.

I feel like such an awful mom, I’m disgusted at myself not knowing if I let him cry right next to me or if he was fussing trying to soothe himself (he is high need baby so he still don’t know how) or what would’ve happened if i’d dropped him or suffocated etc.

*I do not practice the CIO method and don’t want to as he is so young, his crying aggravates his already painful reflux, and him choking on horrified me*