I feel like a terrible mother... we went to the dentist today and the dentist told me that my 19 month old has the start of what will likely progress into cavities on her front four top teeth... 😞

I’m upset and angry at myself for not brushing her teeth more and better.

I’m trying not to be upset at my husband too. And I’m trying not to blame him. At first I was blaming him (in my mind) because in the early years, our daughter cried and screamed when I’d try to brush her teeth. I resorted to holding her down with my legs on the bed so that I could brush them with both my hands. After maybe 30 seconds her dad would open the door, come in the save her from me saying that “that’s enough” and she’d go into his arms in a big hug. I would get so frustrated. He doesn’t understand because he’s never had a cavity in his life. I, on the other hand, have had cavities throughout my childhood and adulthood regardless of brushing and flossing. So I would try to clean her teeth after she’d fall asleep at night and at nap with a clean towel. I tried different toothbrushes and always crying and always rescuing, or just crying and then I’d stop before cleaning all of them in fear of my husbands complaints. (He’s ruthless sometimes). So I stopped trying so hard to brush her teeth for a short period of time. The past few months I’ve been more adamant about and will brush regardless of crying and my husband sees (now) that she’s just fine afterwards and that I’m actually not “torturing” her. She’s just a strong willed child. And no he never really tried to brush her teeth. He just gives her the tooth brush and lets her suck on it.

Anyway. I feel like shit for not being a strong enough mother to stand up to my husband for the sake of our daughter’s oral health. I wish I was able to say “No. This is how I’m brushing her teeth” early on. I also feel crappy that I don’t have a partner who makes me feel supported or like I’m a strong mother who is making the right decisions regardless of our child’s crying.

Also just to add on, she’s still nurses and we don’t feed her foods with added sugars. If we do it’s like 1 gram of added sugar but we cook at home, but she does love fruit. So I assume it’s also due to fruit but mostly lack of brushing consistency...