Can I stay married if I have feelings for someone else?

Question

My marriage has been on the rocks for years. We were in a period of separation and I started kind of seeing this other guy. He’s a friend. A close friend, for years. And I’m into him. I’m REALLY into him. Then he kind of had a rough patch personally so I didn’t see him for a while. In the meantime, my husband asked if we could try to make things work and I said ok. Things are ok in my marriage now. Very very “ok.” Not great. Just ok. But we’ve been together over 7 years. Should I really be expecting more than that? Are my expectations of butterflies and electricity flying and wanting to be around him all the time, too unrealistic for this far into the relationship?
I saw the other guy again today. He’s a friend, seriously. I never cheated or anything—nothing physical ever happened with him, and when we had romantic undertones it was all while I was separated from my husband. But we hung out all day today, as friends, and I… I am so into him. It’s insane. I feel like I’m walking on air with him. I feel light and happy and he was teaching me to do something that he had to help adjust my stance with so he was behind me and touching my arms and my back and I swear, my skin was on fire from his touch. I have never felt like that about anyone before, I don’t think I ever felt that from my husband years ago even?
The chemistry both physically and emotionally is just astounding. I feel like I can’t possibly make my marriage work when I feel this way about someone else. But I also have a tendency to self-sabotage. I am trying to figure out, am I really this crazy about the other guy or is it just the what-if and the novelty of the idea of something new?
Realistically, I don’t know that anything would work out with this guy anyway, for many different reasons I won’t get into. But the fact that I feel this way about him… the fact that I CAN feel this way about him, makes me feel like I can’t stay in my marriage.
I don’t know. My husband is a good guy. We could be happy together. Not ecstatic, but happy. Is that settling, to stay with him? Or is it just realistic?

Answer

Well only you can answer that. Realistically the electric energy and passion you feel with your friend will definitely not last. Especially if that’s what your after. That’s why people cheat. They get bored of the same or same old and they want someone new and exciting and a chase. Need to open and honest with your husband. Do you want to send your life chasing butterflies or growing? However if you choose to divorce your husband I wouldn’t recommend just jumping into a new relationship because people tend to repeat old patterns and habits

Answer

it’s call lust is fun but it don’t last just stay w ur husband and cut the friend off it’s not worth it then u will b running back to your husband when things don’t work out ( the grass is not always as green on the other side) is definitely true u can’t just leave every time things get old and boring or hard marriage is about keeping the fire and your going to have to find that spark again and chase each other like u did when u first got together it don’t stop because ur married you keep fighting for each other and loving each other the other guy is just a fling bc it’s new but once it get old or they have flaws u might can’t deal w then what it’s to late i wouldn’t test it but do you if that’s what i wish

Answer

Only you can answer this. What does marriage mean to you? When people ask questions like this, it makes me wonder why they got married at all in the first place. Marriage is a forever thing. A very serious, life-long commitment. 
You said yourself that you have a tendency to self sabotage, and you’re right in thinking that the feelings you have for this other guy will likely fade. 
Love is a choice you make every day in a marriage. Obviously it is also a feeling, but it can’t be all there is because it will ebb and flow throughout life. 
There’s a reason you chose to marry your husband. You chose him as a partner for LIFE. I would try to remember why that is.

Answer

Well you self sabatiage so your kinda not trying as much with your husband.marriage isnt perfect and your not gonna always be happy . but there needs to be respect on both parts.plus you mentioned that with side guy wouldnt even work.maybe your over being married gotta be honest with yourself and hubby.

Answer

I can not tell you what to do I can only tell you how I see it. I have been married for 24 years and this feelings you are describing I still feel with my husband. If he travels and I pick him up at the airport I still get the same nerves as a use to all those years ago. The butterflies in the stomach waiting for him to come through the door. When he touches me a warm feeling goes through my body. Just yesterday we saw a couple and they are together since 48 years and the guy gave a little speech and the way his eyes light up when he talks about his wife you just see the love that is there. It does exist and I wish everyone to find that love. Now to your new acquaintance. If my husband ever feels anything like that for someone else he is free to go, because what is the need of staying married to someone that isn't fully there. I don't think it is fair to your partner. Some people stay married like that they are content knowing that they kind of like each other, but for me that is a no go. I would rather be alone then with someone that compromises for convenience.

Answer

@GlowGPT please help me with this topic!

Answer

Love is a choice. Do you love your husband? Because if you do, you should realize that you’re idealizing the other guy, seeing in him everything that’s gotten covered up in your husband and that you feel he lacks. Everything new is exciting, but that excitement will also wear off and you’ll be left looking for a feeling that won’t last with any partner. If you do want things to work with your husband, you’re both going to have to reignite that spark. Remember, the grass is greener where you water it!

Answer

Emotional cheating can mean more than physical. I think you should sit down with your husband and talk through your relationship and how he feels and tell him that you feel it’s all just okay and see if you can salvage it. Maybe even tell him about your feelings towards your friend and that that could be because of your lacking marriage. See what he says

Answer

Well… this is emotional cheating and you can’t honor your husband and truly give your marriage another chance with this going on. It’s not fair to him and it’s dishonest. If you are still talking to this other person it will keep you in the habit of wondering about him and not working on your marriage.

Answer

You are not happy in your marriage. Idk anything about your husband but he probably deserves to be with someone who isn't running around with other men and fantasizing about leaving him. Sounds like it's over . And that's ok but don't expect that if you ditch your husband for this guy that that fun new exciting butterfly stage will last . That doesn't last in long term relationships.

Can I stay married if I have feelings for someone else?

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