I am wanting to learn more about religion to help me grow spiritually.

A few weeks ago I had my first ever panic attack. I was out with my friends and I was having a great time. We were outside a bar in the parking lot and there was a heavy police presence. I asked what was going on and my friend said, “they’re just here in case there is a shoot out or fight.” I’ve heard that phrase a million times before. Out of nowhere this coldness went over my body and I felt like I wasn’t there. I went silent and nobody seemed to notice. I felt like I was going to die. I realized how little control we have over when we go. Dying has always been my worst fear because I don’t know what happens next. I panicked for an unknown amount of time, I can’t recall what happened during that time. I remember being driven home that night. I was exhausted and ready for bed. I pray in my mind every night when I lay down as I drift off to sleep. As soon as I started to pray I felt a chill go over my body, I started hyperventilating and sobbing. I begged God for guidance and reassurance. I want to be a better person. I don’t want to go to hell and I don’t want to die. I didn’t sleep at all that night, I rocked back and forth in my bed.

I went to a Pentecostal church when I was a child and was told that if I didn’t get the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues that I would go to hell. I was about 7 years old. I would pray and pray for the Holy Ghost to come to me during prayer time. When I didn’t get it I would get so scared, I thought something was wrong with me.

I don’t want to go to a church that preaches hellfire but rather one that expresses Gods love and mercy for everyone.

Is there a certain religion/church that may be best for me?