My husband thinks I need to stop wearing makeup to work

I’m tired.

I’m the breadwinner, he decided to stop working and just live off of disability from the US army. I just got promoted and I’m now the director of marketing at my company (medium sized company) and I’m the youngest person ever at 34 to take that title there, regardless of sex. I now make just under 250k/yearly.

He recently started pulling back from me after my promotion. I asked why. He said it’s because he thinks I’m having an affair at work.

I’ve always taken my job seriously and when he met me I made it very clear that I’m a career-oriented woman. He said he was career oriented too until after we got married, when he admitted to using the military as “free rent”. Regardless, i took my career seriously and I took my family seriously. I maintained a great Work/life balance because I put him and my kids first ALWAYS. I don’t even “go out” with the girls I work with, let alone the guys. The most I do is attend business trips, which I’m aware some folks “hookup” at, but it’s rare to think or even hear that that’s happening.

Anyways, my husband told me he noticed I wear “too much” makeup to work recently and asked me who I was trying to sleep with. Makeup was never a problem before he quit working and before my promotion, and honestly I’ve cut back on my makeup recently. I rarely even wear eyeshadow now! I’m trying to explain that I wear it for my own confidence, but he claims there is no reason for a woman to wear makeup except to impress a man.

He kept going on and on about how he “never cares” if he has female boss who doesn’t wear makeup. I told him it’s a personal thing. I became furious because, honestly husband, don’t bite the hand that fucking feeds you. I wear it for me.

I’m starting to lose major respect for him and am adding this to the mental case im building to kick him out. It just sucks because we have 3 kids under 10. I’m starting to feel like this is a jealously-fueled issue that will never end.

FYI we are in therapy now (booked it after his first affair accusation) and he keeps playing the victim. He says I ditch him to deal with the kids. Theyre ALL IN DAYCARE/SCHOOL!! The only “ditching” occurs when I bring them home (he’s always “too busy” to do drop off/pickup) and GOD FORBID I need to take a shower. Poor husband has to spend an hour making them snacks!! God forbid!!

I’m present for them. I cook every night despite being the only person working. I do mom and me swim& lacrosse with my kids. I attend every PTA meeting because I negotiated to work from home those days. I dance and laugh and play with my kids every day after work. He never attends their games or practice despite never working a single hour all days he never attends PTA meetings.

If I ask him to hang out with them, he’s “too tired” or gripes at me because they didn’t kiss his ass for making them crackers and cheese while I’m showering after work. All he seems to do is game on Xbox and BITCH.

Thoughts?

Forgot to add, he literally said “when a woman wears makeup to work it’s an automatic invitation to flirt with her.” We have two daughters. Don’t you agree that he’s disgusting? Or — am i just being “emotional” like he loves to say?

ETA here’s a makeup look I wear for work;

Replying to comments:

08/12 5:50 ET: I want to add that when I suggested divorce, he said “I knew you were going to divorce me as soon as you started making good money” and called me a lying, manipulative “bitch.” He claims I have zero empathy for “what the army did to him” and that “any other woman” would understand why he can’t work after that. He was never even deployed…

And re: commenter that suggested he might be cheating — to be honest, I hope he is so I can divorce without being the “bad guy.” I’d file now but we have no prenup and I’m sure he’d sue me for custody and alimony — and I can’t be away from my babies!

And he claims his military trauma comes from bootcamp. First 3 years of our relationship? I worked with him, stayed up till 3am so he could vent, paid for his therapists, cried with him — call me a bitch (hahaha I’m used to it) — my sympathy ends here. Now the kids call him “mad dad” and no matter what I do for him, he continually accuses me of cheating.

@casey!!! ☣️ please get off your high horse. Try Googling how easy it is to get military disability before you judge. He got 25% disability (18k salary/year for life) because he has eczema. He was a clerk in the army. Bragged incessantly about how the military is a “free ride for rent.” Guess who grew up as a foster kid and paid their way through their bachelors and masters degree? Me. His dad makes 7mil yearly. Husband has a trust fund that he refuses to share with me and his kids. He joined the military because he “didn’t feel like” going to college. I love how you justify his behavior and ignore the sexism he displays in front of my girls and son like the perfect righteous ✝️ woman you must be 😇