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Marriage comes 1st??! Nothing in what you said is a marriage. If you have been happy for the last 10, neither one would be going outside the marriage.
Wanting more
I'm married. Have been for 10 years. However, we have decided several years back to be in an open marriage. We have been happy. Recently I have been wanting to get into another relationship. Just don't want to bring it up to my husband because it's with another guy. I have always been bi and when we agreed to the open it was agreed on with girls. We didn't discuss another guy. He said he didn't want another guy because he's straight. And I told him that was fine. I wasn't asking him to get another guy. But now after 7 years, I'm wanting another guy (not to be in a relationship with my husband). I know I need to talk to him. And I won't do anything without him knowing. That was why we agreed to this. It took the "cheating" out of the relationship. I know I don't fulfill all of his needs because it's not who I am. And he can't always fulfill all of my needs because of who he is. So we decided that we would find it in other people with conditions. We wouldn't do anything without the other knowing first. We wouldn't do one night stands. We also wouldn't force someone else on the other person. It had to be agreed upon by all parties. And lastly our marriage would always come first. At the end of the day it was mine and his relationship. Just feel like the bringinig it up the first time is always the hardest.
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COMMENT (7)
Clearly you have interest in somebody, have you been communicating with someone that you have your ion, or is this just a random spur of the moment I woke up this morning, and I decided I wanted to have sex with another man. That’s the first thing you need to figure out if you have your eye on somebody, it’s probably like you said because your husband’s not fulfilling, your knees, Obviously you’re not looking for a threesome. You want to have something separate outside of the relationship, as he himself had anyone outside of the marriage in the last years that you spoke of, how did that go, were you OK with it, or did you feel insecure or jealous, or did he agree to the open marriage thing because he felt you were bisexual and that you would only desire other women and he figured that was the way around for filling that need rather than denying that side of you. I got a feeling he’s already got your eye on somebody, probably communicating with them and laying down the groundwork, you know you have to have a conversation and it’s going to be difficult and uncomfortable, but honey, I know that we have an open marriage, and honesty, and being upfront, is the number one priority, and I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of, having relations with another man, you don’t know him or maybe you do I don’t know the situation, but I don’t know how to open this is if you want him to meet him or if he’s just OK with you being with other people, or does he have to be with somebody else at the same time that you are, I’m not sure of your arrangement. But first and foremost, you need to have a conversation with him and make sure that you guys are both on the same page and he’s not feeling jealous or insecure and replaced or anything else. I don’t know if you introduced each other. I have no clue how your arrangement works, but he doesn’t have to participate or whatever it may be, but you know you’re gonna have to have a conversation with him. Good luck, I hope things work out.
No way to know without talking to him. It's been 10 years so maybe his views on it have evolved too. Maybe there are changes he wants to bring up too but, like you said, it's hard. I'd just start with saying "Hey, let's review the nature of our open relationship and talk about what's worked and what hasn't over the years and maybe see if there are any changes we want or think might be a good idea."
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