No sex before marriage ?

Question

This is a really strange situation for me, I have met this guy and everything is going so well I can’t fault him in anyway. He treats me so well, is so generous, caring etc everything I’ve ever hoped for. We have been on 6 dates and we have both spoke about the feelings we have for eachother and it truly feels like he is the one. He is very Christian and asked if I’d like to go to church with him so I went as I respect his views and would never want to change them even though I’ve not came from a religious background. He’s spoken to me about wanting to wait until marriage to have sex and this is totally different to anything I’ve ever faced before and I really want to be with him but sex is so important in a relationship in my opinion and I don’t know if I’m being unrealistic by thinking this will work. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I finally feel like I’ve found the person I want to be with and now been thrown this curveball and don’t know what to do 😢

Answer

You shouldn't have to fundamentally change yourself or your beliefs to be with someone. I would suggest reflecting on what YOU want, versus what he wants.

Answer

If you feel that he's the one then you need to do some reflecting in yourself. You need to think about how he's going to go to church regularly, holidays may be different from what you're used to as they might be more Christ centered, there may be big differences in your views on certian things due to a belief difference, he's also likely going to want to raise any potential children Christian which could likely mean a difference in parenting styles and rules/expectations for children/teens. These are all things to think about. I don't feel that sex is a dealbreaker if he's "the one." My husband and I waited 4 years, we are Christians, and you know what there hasn't been a single issue. We got to fully know one another, have massively deep conversations, and discuss literally everything in depth. Even having kids, parenting styles, discipline, rules, boundries with families, literally everything. There was no stone left unturned. Everything was done with such debth that when we did have sex we already knew each other, our wants, desires, likes and dislikes, we pretty much got to focus on exploring one another and just enjoying ourselves without the heaviness on life, getting to know one another, or hard conversations. You really need to sit down and do some self reflection to see if you're willing to throw that all away because you're impatient. Because for him, if you leave, you'll just be a dodged bullet that wasn't right for him due to conflicting views. He likely won't look back ir have any second thoughts. It's not uncommon for those who want to wait, no matter what the reason, to be greatful they didn't stay with someone who didn't have aligning values.

Answer

Personally, I think you should have a lot of internal dialog before presenting him w conversation about this. Think of it this way, he is everything you want in a person, he is also religious. It is very likely that Christianity, being a pivotal part of his life and belief system, plays a part in who he is, which you really really seem to like. 
You need to ask YOURSELF, is it worth forgoing a person who you feel is the one so that you can have sex incorporated earlier on in the relationship? If sex is that important, the responsible thing to do would be to end it gently and tell him why, and then you can take the gamble of finding someone who may not be like him, but would be willing to incorporate premarital sex early on (which is most people, which means, you’d have lots of options but also greater risk for a guy to be a jerk). 
I am Christian, and I did not wait til marriage. It was pushed on us to an extent, but I did not empathize with the sentiment of it. That said, I’ve known many people who strongly do desire to wait til marriage for their own personal values and beliefs. If he has expressed them to you himself (ie, “this is what I want to do for me”) it would be very selfish and wrong to package the conversation with a note of asking him or suggesting him to reconsider. Because what happens if you break up? What then? He will now not ever be able to do what was important for him spiritually to do.

Answer

You’ve already said it, yourself: “I respect his views and would never want to change them even though I’ve not come from a religious background.”
Don’t try to discourage him from maintaining this value that is important to him. If not having sex before marriage is a deal breaker for you, move on. If you’re willing to explore the relationship and accept this boundary, go for it!

Answer

Honestly, you’ll know each other so much better without sex clouding everything. If you really like him and think he is the one, give it a try, trust me it’ll be worth it.

Answer

If it is very important for you to do it, and important for him to wait I don't really see how it'll work out for you. Obviously I wouldn't just drop him, but have a conversation with him about how you feel too and go from there.

Answer

It’s only been 6dates I would definitely have a full conversation, voice your concerns and be honest with how you feel about that
I wouldn’t force it or start changing to fix his wishes just to make it work 
Should he take issue with it then you have your answer

Answer

If you do decide to wait you both need to go & get tested beforehand, I’ve heard many stories like this to where one or the other or both waited & when it came down to it , somebody contracted something

Answer

Although I think you should never try to convince him to have sex before marriage, your beliefs whether rooted in religion or not hold just as much weight. If sex is important for you before getting married, which I agree with by the way, then I would make that clear early on and go separate ways. For some, this is a deal breaker, but you need to reflect and think about if its a deal breaker for you or somewhere you can compromise.

Answer

Best thing to do is talk to him and see if he’s willing to meet in the middle. Like maybe only have sex once y’all have been together for like 6 months or a year? It’s best to be open and honest from the get go. So no one’s upset later once more time and feelings have been invested.

No sex before marriage ?

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