Should I remove myself from the family?

I truly believe no family is perfect and there will always be drama. But in my family, I feel like the misfit. To start off, I was born out of wedlock and my biological father cheated on his wife with my mom. To this day, his wife and kids still don’t know about me. My mom was a single parent for a bit until she met my stepdad. My grandparents from my mom side helped out, out of 22 other grand children I was one of the favorites. Which created so much tension between my cousins and I. I was scolded a lot by my aunts and my mom whenever a cousin made up something about me. It was horrible. Remind you my other cousins have their parents together or involved in their lives. I always thought it was because my grandparents wanted me to feel loved since I would rarely see my mom and my father wants nothing to do with me. But recent years, I came to find out I was a paycheck to my grandmother and even when I was teenager and my grandmother no longer watched me she still charged my mom. My mom is the youngest of 6 sisters, my mom tends to be the easy target and totally a push over. This would upset me to see her cry and be exhausted from constantly trying to make my aunts happy.

As time went by, my aunts were dragging me into their fights or judge me for everything I do. It felt like at times they want me to fail in life. I made life decisions that were similar to my other cousins (moved in with a boyfriend and had a kid with them) I was judged so intensely but yet my other cousins gotten so much praise. When cousin was pregnant she gotten this big party at a hall. When I was pregnant, no one wanted to throw me a shower so my husbands side did, my in laws were most excited about my son than my family. My mom yelled at me for days … I gotten pregnant at 24 and was already living on my own and made my own money and everything. My mom cried and said I ruined my life.

This past year I’ve been standing up for myself and for once stop holding back feelings for my moms sake (she wanted me to be a push over too). I do feel like I’m treated a bit more respect and whenever events are happening they stop trying to communicate to my mom to get to me. My mother has the tendency to lie or exaggerate things so she gets what she wants even it mean it will be miserable for me. She loves guilt tripping too. If I don’t want to go to birthday party and my mom does she will try threatening to stop talking to me or be condescending. My aunts were finally learning to personally invite to me events instead expecting my mom to say something to me since I have my own life going on and my days aren’t the same as my moms.

Except recently… my cousin is getting married next weekend and I’ve been so excited for her. Apparently there’s RVSP. Never gotten that invitation in the mail. Just to come find out they sent it to my moms, on that invitation it didn’t include my husband and it’s no kids. My cousin and I and even her mom have been around each other plenty of times and neglect to tell me my husband wouldn’t be invited. No kids rule is understood but no husband? When everyone else gets to bring their partners ? I’m heart broken and frustrated. I can make so many guesses why I’m a misfit in the family and try my best to see the bright side or the good times. But I can’t help but be angry about everything over the years and since I’ve became a parent I finally see how toxic my mother and the rest of the family is to me.

Am I being selfish? Should I try to fix it? Should I move on? I’ve been staying in the state because I didn’t want to leave my family but now it seems like they won’t miss me. I’m constantly crying. My husband is fine and relieved about not going but to me it’s disrespectful to not invite my partner. I told my aunt my issue and said we won’t be attending. But I still feel heartbroken.