Undiagnosed ADHD, thoughts?

I only figured I might have ADHD just more than a year ago, and have been trying to get a diagnosis ever since. I’ve noticed my symptoms are getting worse and worse, literally by the day. I feel like a terrible mess. I feel like I haven’t done one thing right since October 2020 (when I started my undergraduate degree), and it’s like I’m constantly failing. I can’t manage anything. I wish I had the “creative” or “hyper focus” ADHD, like all the other successful ADHD people, but no, I got the dysfunctional and lazy ADHD. I haven’t managed to complete one assignment in 6 months, I totally blew my third year because my time management is so bad, and I’ve ended up taking a supplementary year, while all of my friends have graduated and I’m literally left on my own. It’s all getting to embarrassing at this point. I panic about having to take a shower, I can’t get started on a task without wasting hours preparing myself for it, my sleep schedule is nonexistent and my room has never been near tidy. I’ve tried everything; daily planners; weekly planners; diaries; motivational posters; post-it’s; making to-do lists; setting timer for tasks; setting morning and night routines; you name it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of myself. It’s like I can’t ever fix myself, and honestly I don’t see any point in living myself anymore. No matter how hard I try, I can’t commit to any rules and routines I set for myself. It’s like I’m wasting all of my time, like I’m just a waste of space. I’m miserably hopeless and I just don’t know what to do anymore.