Spina bifida

At my last appointment I had a routine blood draw done to check for spina bifida, and I got a call this morning saying my baby is at high risk of having SB. & my appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist isn’t until January 4th when I’ll be 22 weeks. I have suffered from recurrent mc’s and was beginning to feel hopeful since I am now 16 weeks. I have researched SB since being told and honestly I am distraught. The what ifs are really getting to me. What if my baby has it and it’s not a mild form? What kind of life will they have? Will their quality of life be poor? What if it’s so severe the best option is to terminate? What if I have surgery and I have a stroke or something and we both die in the process, I have other babies to live for as well. I don’t want to lose another child, I have had 3 back to back miscarriages within the past year and to lose another would obliterate me. Has anyone that has dealt with this give me insight? I am at a loss.