I have to practice my I am good talk for my in-laws. And I am a horrible lier. So when/if they ask how I am doing. We don't talk about Bruno is what's gonna be said out loud. And inside I am gonna think because if I say I want to end my life they might hand me a gun and tell me to do it. And I feel so defeated and tired I just might do it. I know the story of my sister in law saying she wanted to die for attention (long story but she is one of those people) and they handed her a gun she didn't do it. But I will actually probably do it. I have no idea if they know the full history of my 7+ failed attempts. Last time I went manic is last time my husband and I had maridal problems and they said how they were gonna put me in a crazy house and take my kid away and ditch me. Since then I have been filtering everything I can't say hey I need to be admitted because I am scared they might take my babies. So we don't talk about Bruno.