16 years ago, I was a 15 year old girl. My pursuit back then wasn’t the girly things. I’d rather play shooting with the boys around my neighborhood. Either that, or fight with them. Some of the girls my age hangs out together and I’ll be somewhere climbing a tree. This is an Asian culture. We are free to roam. Yes I’m one of the boys. Often than not, people would say I’m a tomboy. That’s just me. I know I’m a girl but whatever the neighborhood boys do is what’s exciting for me.

Then keypad phones came and everyone became obsessed of having one. I didn’t get one right away. It took years, when a good samaritan cousin gifted me her old phone. I’m ecstatic. This is also where what we called “send to many” became too popular and I would send text to all of my contact saying “hello, have you had meals? OR what’s for dinner? OR How are you?, good night, good morning don’t skip breakfast. ” Don’t get me wrong, everyone sends this message to everyone in their contact, which once you mature you realize it is stupid. We don’t have lines, we have to buy sim card, load it mostly unlimited text for 1 day so whenever you avail this service you go crazy texting. We are literally addicted to it. So ignorant 🤦🏾‍♀️.

One day, on my way home from school. We go to school downtown, we have to wait for a motorcycle by the intersection to take us home and my auntie from downtown came charging into me, holding a copy of my texts sent to her new 2nd husband with date and time. All, the same messages that I wrote above and yelling at me saying I was seducing her husband, to stop whatever it is because I was caught already and showed me and everyone there, my texts. I tried to explain and she wouldn’t hear me and does not care at all if people are listening. I would have sent her texts but she has no phone. My 15 year old self was shocked and embarrassed that I didn’t cry until I got home. She could have went to my house, talked to me or my parents since she thinks Im doing something stupid. Instead she asked her daughter to spy on me and once I’m at the intersection, she came scandalizing me. I was not close to her husband. We only say hello how are you whenever we see each other or smile because that is normal behavior. And just to clarify it, I had never looked at him and thought, I like this man. As I said, my brain does not function into the romance world yet. I had boyfriend at 3rd year college.

I never got over it. I’m 31, I’ve a family now but I still can’t get comfortable next to or being alone with other men even a family except for my brothers. I can’t be too close and I don’t know how to deal with other men if no one’s around us. I have this anxiety that a wife will come charging on me again no matter I’m not doing anything. I also never talked to that aunt because she never apologized. Never heard the side of my story. My mom told me that she knew me and as long as I know what truly happened I will be okay and that’s the only thing I hold onto and felt no guilt at all for ignoring my aunt.