I just realized I been avoiding the shower and for no better reason than because I’d have to see my own body . There’s no running from it I can’t distract my mind in the shower . It feels like it physically hurts me to look at myself naked rn . After having 5 miscarriages and ectopic my bf of year just told me he’s having a baby with someone else . I can’t leave him cuz for what if they always cheat . I’m done trying I’m done fighting it . I wanna just deal with it and try to ignore it . It’s manifesting in diff ways tho since I been constantly numbing and distracting myself . He’s coming over tmrw and I’m honestly afraid of how well I can hide my feelings . I don’t wanna overwhelm him with my feelings . Have no one to talk to just wanted to get it off my chest .