I’m a rollercoaster

Honestly I feel a bit weird posting here. Everyone has been trying for a while or a long time. This is our first month trying. I’m 37, my partner is 39. We’ve been together for 3 years but decided to wait until we moved in together, which happened a few months ago. I’m nervous of being excited and wondering if I’m imagining things because I’ve waited so long to get here. I’ve had quite a few breakdowns over the last year or so, thinking we’d never get here, my time is running out, etc.

I had my son at 19, and I always wanted to have more children but relationship’s were not right and time moved on. I decided that I would do sperm donation at 36, then I met him at 34. I knew he was it , but then I had to grapple with waiting even longer all while people around me were getting pregnant left and right 😅.

I was supposed to start testing tomorrow at 12DPO but I started on day 10. I hope it all works out but I’m also trying to stay neutral and remind myself this is just the first month, it could take longer, everything is okay.

Thanks for letting me get the thoughts out.