I’m ready for a baby but my partner isn’t…

For those of you who want to have a baby but don’t yet: How do you process the pain of yearning?

I’m at a point where I feel physical symptoms when I see someone with a baby, when I see obviously pregnant people, when people talk about their kids or pregnancies, or that they’ve started trying… I feel anxious and dizzy and want to get away from the situation.

There was an event recently that I had to step away from for a few mins because the host was talking lovingly about his wife and kids and it made me feel nauseous. It’s like.. nauseous jealousy or something. The feeling has only gotten stronger, the longer i am stuck in this limbo.

My boyfriend and I are approaching 3 years together. Early into our relationship, we both mentioned that marriage is something important to us. How do i avoid nagging him about it, or making him feel pressured, while still respecting my own feelings and desires for our future?

How do I know if his problem is with me, not the timing? (I’ve asked if he’s gotten cold feet, he said no, he is still excited about our future.)

I’m freaking out because I’m turning 31 in a few months, no kids. We want multiple, but he is seeing kids as a “someday” thing and doesn’t seem to appreciate the urgency. He’s in his late 30s. He has not had his fertility checked. Mine is fine but was checked about 10 years ago.

For those of you who have since had kids: what helped your partner become ready? Did you have to say or do anything?

He wants to be married first but hasn’t proposed. We’ve been together almost 3 years, live together about 1 year.

I’ve gotten tired of bringing it up, I feel like I’m begging for something that I shouldn’t have to beg for.

Should I leave him if he won’t give me a timeline? I know I’ll resent him if we wait too long and are no longer able to have kids… our relationship is otherwise really good.

Some extra context:

I’ve been in three other long term relationships, one 3-yr, one 2-yr, and one 5 year. All three men expressed that they wanted to get married someday but all three failed to commit. I think that I stayed too long, hoping they’d follow through, and the pain from those relationships is weighing on me now.

I also had an abortion when I was a teen and the only thing that kept me alive was telling myself that I would have been a terrible parent because of my untreated trauma (since treated), and lack of support system (now have a support system). I’m terrified that I’ll never have a kid, meaning I took away my only chance of being a mother.

Being a mom is all I’ve ever wanted, and without that I’m not sure where I’ll find motivation.