A gut feeling

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 years now. We talk about getting married and having kids, we live together, and he’s overall one of the most loving and sweetest guys I know. This past year we reallyyyy talked about marriage like I genuinely thought he was going to propose a couple times but he didn’t. I felt really bummed out but there’s not much I can do about it (Ik it’s 2024 and I could propose to him but for me personally I want to be proposed to) so I just kinda let it go. I send him videos here and there of rings or dresses and he’ll respond with which one he thinks I’d like. Also back in august we found out I was pregnant but unfortunately lost the baby so now that it’s been 6 months we talked about trying again. Part of me wanted to try so bad because I was so happy to be pregnant but another part of me didn’t want to because I want to be at least engaged. I told him how I felt and he agreed because he also felt like I deserved that. We’re currently on a vacation and a small part of me thought maybe he’ll do it while we’re here but a bigger part of me has given up on the idea. I’m just tired of hoping and being let down. The day before we left he was acting a little weird so I asked what was wrong and he told me he feel guilty because he figured I was expecting him to propose but he’s not going to because he doesn’t have a ring. It kinda makes my heart hurt to know that he knew I was expecting something and he still didn’t prepare anything. I let it go tho because I didn’t wanna spend our vacation moping. While we’ve been here he’s been on his phone a lot messaging friends he wants to meet up with. I don’t really mind that but I’ve noticed he’s been messaging the same girl over and over. He’s never given me a reason to think he’s cheating so I really can’t explain it but I just have this guy feeling he’s not just having friendly conversations with her. Maybe I just want there to be a reason he doesn’t want to marry me right now that isn’t just him not loving me enough. I’m pretty sure I’m just making it up in my head and I’m probably just emotional cause I’m on my period. I just don’t understand why he hasn’t asked me when he says he wants to.