Moody husband, blaming wife

My husband has a habit that when he’s stressed, he checks out and is easily annoyed and yells. I guess the reaction while he’s in his thoughts and is being interrupted. He becomes neglectful and short to our small kids too. I try to lighten the mood sometimes or just lay with him on the couch. He is so checked out sometimes, he doesn’t reciprocate. I’m the one to constantly ask or seek his attention and eventually, I get to a boiling point, like tonight and am sad and angry. Then, he turns it that I’m at fault for most things around the house and he can’t have peace at home. But, I’m not the one in a constant pissy mood and forget that others need my attention too. I find him to be overly selfish and insensitive. He says, the kids go to bed too late but doesn’t lift a finger to help bedtime routine. Should I be more understanding or what do I need to do here???