What makes a relationship hard?

Question

Genuine question, for the married couples or couples who are in a relationship longer than 2 years, what makes it hard? And why did/do you stay?. I hear all the time relationships are hard or take a lot of work.  If you’re unhappy why stay? finances? You will choose stability over happiness? Kids? Kids see everything (I came from an abusive home) So besides the two what else is there?
You ladies rock!, I’m in the dating phase of my life and is nervous, all I hear is it’s going to be hard. Like why? But you all broke it down easily and understandably.

Answer

Been together with my husband in total over a decade. It has never been hard for us. Parts of life have been hard but not our relationship at all. He is my best friend, buggest cheerleader, support, #1 team mate, partner in all things and same for me with him. We have small fights or disagreements here or there bur are never over anything that big/important. We have 3 kids and lots of animals and an amazing life. Our 'work' is just making us a priority still but it all thankfully comes easy. If a relationship took that much work or effort to make it work seems like it is the wrong one. I mean to this day our biggest fight has been over whether a hot dog is a sandwich or not. We were both tired and pissy and it got heated and we have never brought it up since as we are not gonna compromise but beyond that most our issues are done in 10 mins and all is good.

Answer

Hard doesn’t mean unhappy. It means life is difficult and you’re navigating it with one person. It takes compromise and patience. Constant communication, commitment and teamwork. 
Again, hard doesn’t mean unhappy. 
My husband and I have been together for 23+ years. We’ve had plenty of kinks to work out. Normal, who does what shit, parenting differences, personality differences, arguments about normal young people shit in our 20’s, we’ve seen financial hardship and extreme medical issue with children, I have a chronic illness, etc. LIFE. We worked together to help her come those things rather than turn against one another. 
I wouldn’t change it for a thing. We’ve seen each other through everything. We’re happy and love each other. Know each other inside and out.

Answer

You spent x amount of your life only worrying about yourself. 
Then you have to learn how to work with/ live with/ do life with someone else who also likely just spent their life worrying about themselves. Relationships take a lot of compromise. You have to learn how to cooperate with someone who likely handles every situation (small or big) differently from you and you have to learn how to work together. Because you don’t get to change that person and they don’t get to change you.
They load the dishes differently, they have different expectations of how the trash is taken out, they spend their money differently and have different spending priorities. It takes a lot of effort and self reflection to make a relationship work. 
Eventually you get into a rhythm, learn each other’s patterns and tendencies. But you have to relearn during significant life changes like having kids, losing a loved one, buying a home. 
It’s hard work but it’s worth it because you love the person and the life you worked so hard to build together. My husband is my best friend. He supports me, is there for me, encourages me and I do the same for him. We have brought two beautiful kids into this world with a third on the way. He held me and we wept together when I lost my mom. i watched him walk through a family member struggle with addiction and we watched my own family member lose their life. I have watched him grow in his career, and am so proud of him. 
It’s hard work but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Answer

After 16 years, sometimes it's frustrating to seemingly have the same issues repeatedly, but I think it's just a fact not everything gets resolved the first time. I'd still pick him as my partner every time. Our biggest hurdle was helping each other overcome childhood trauma and watching our parents' marriages implode.

Answer

Relationships are hard because they are two people coming together, merging lives. No two people are ever going to see eye to eye on completely everything. Difference in perspectives can be difficult, difference in love language, differences in temperament. The list goes on & on. You learn to coexist, but it’s always going to have its challenges. I don’t think anyone who is truly unhappy should stay together, but marriage is a life long commitment you choose. Which in theory should mean you don’t give up trying. You don’t hold on to anger, you work things out, etc. That is not always the case. There are so many stressors in life & people get overwhelmed and stop taking care of themselves and their relationships. Some people become complacent. Some people become codependent, even if the relationship is super unhealthy. Every relationship is different. Every relationship struggle is different. Unhappiness can also change. If both people are truly willing to work on things, listen to each other & want to make the relationship work & make it better. I know couples (who aren’t married) that aren’t happy but stay together just because it’s all they know and they have a fear of change. They’d rather be miserable than make things better. 🤷🏻‍♀️ this question is VERY subjective & there is no right or wrong answer - nor is this a one size fits all matter.

Answer

Been with my husband 16 years (married 5). Being together is the easy part, it’s the actual physical work that makes it hard. Running a household and parenting in a way that both partners feel like they matter and are respected can be a challenge. It’s splitting the work and sharing ideas and reaching compromises that is hard. Most of our arguments are over communication regarding cleaning/household management. It’s important that to keep things fair and even but what that looks like changes everyday. We have to come together to give 100% and some days one of us may have to give 99% and the other can only do 1%. It’s that constant fluctuation and being able to communicate that which is a struggle. My husband and I joke everytime we’re on vacation that we don’t hate each other, we hate real life.

Answer

@GlowGPT please help me with this topic!

What makes a relationship hard?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey