Not feeling like a priority in my marriage I need some advice

Not really sure how to go about this but basically my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years together for 8. He is currently working two jobs 3:30 am-10 am then 10 am to 5 pm 5 days a week. I work full time and take care of our two boys probably 95 percent of the time. We have a pretty good marriage we’ve over come a lot had regular ups and downs but I feel like we’ve come to a point where I’m not sure what else to do. In the beginning and before kids even when the kids were babies he was always interested in spending time with me, even his family was like wow you’re so in love you don’t even come around anymore. We would frequently go on dates. He would get upset because my job had hours that were all over the place so I even switched to a job with a more consistent schedule that we had off on the same day so that would be our family day. Over the past 8 months with it progressively getting worse I feel like we’re always doing things separate. We show up to occasions separate me with the kids and he goes early or stays later to hang out extra or whatever. He’s always spending the day off running his errands while I have the kids. Never offers to bring one with so I can get a break. He even has a daughter from an ex gf and I end up spending more time with her then he does to the point she doesn’t really care to come over like that. She’s always asking where he is. Recently every Saturday he’s been going to his moms and hanging out with her and her boyfriend drinking until like 1 am. Meanwhile I’ve told him hey we don’t go on dates or anything you’re home just enough for you to eat dinner with me then we go to bed. We spend NO intentional time together. We have twin toddler boys and they are 4. The younger one is a bit more adventurous and gets into everything and doesn’t listen as well often says no has an I don’t care attitude. Typical toddler but a little bit intensified. This brings stress into the household as well. He’s always like ok I’m going here but I won’t be long. It ends up taking hours and I’m sitting around wondering why he doesn’t want to come home to me. Why I put our kids to sleep myself half the time. I have his location so I know where he is. He’s not going out to the bar or club or doing anything inappropriate but it’s the fact he ALWAYS chooses to do something else instead of being home with me saying it won’t take long. BUT IT ALWAYS DOES. Then he always has an excuse as to why it took so long and he’s sorry. I tell him I don’t care if he goes and does whatever it’s the point of me feeling neglected so I would not feel that way if we actually spent time and made plans. We do not have much help with the kids besides his mom. But she watches them while we work 5 days a week. So asking for anything extra is impossible. The rest of my family lives far away and he doesn’t really have anyone else trustworthy to ask except a select few but schedules don’t always align. We got in a huge fight Saturday because he was out late again after he said it would be quick. I hit him up then he completely blew off my texts and when he finally came home he was like I’m so sorry . Don’t be mad. you hate me etc. I told him I’m tired of not feeling like a priority. He says the way we go about things is different and he shows his love by working hard and providing and it’s never intentional when he’s out late it just happens. He says he’s under a lot of stress too working both jobs and he’s not doing anything wrong. I said you need to spend time together to have a successful marriage, and the way you choose to spend the time when you’re NOT working is what bothers me. I kept saying it for weeks now and finally I blew up and threatened to leave. Now he’s at a point where he says my words hurt him and he doesn’t know where to go from here. I told him he doesn’t understand me and I’m not asking for a lot. Just intentional time. I don’t know how to even save our marriage at this point because I told him he let a small problem turn into a big one and now I feel alone and unappreciated because I do everything for the kids. We make up then fight about the same thing over and over and over. Why wouldn’t you want to spend time with your wife ? Who once upon a time changed a job for you because you were upset our schedules conflicted. I would do it for him it seems… why is what I’m asking too much. I just really need some advice