Here's my story...

I went away with my partner and our children we had unprotected sex whilst on holiday, and days after we returned I just knew I'd fallen pregnant.

Me and my partner don't live together, it's worked fine this way for 8 years, we have two sons that I raise alone, but he works a lot and theyre young, it worked for us. I have 3 older children from a previous relationship, one with ADHD.

I ordered the tests to be sure, I hadn't even slept with him in my fertile period, but I knew, I must have ovulated earlier than expected.the tests arrived and straight away 2 lines.

I panicked, I knew I wouldn't be able to cope on my own, and knew at this stage (my period was still a week away) it wouldn't have developed really beyond a ball of cells... I decided to call the abortion helpline and had an abortion pack delivered to my home. I did this without informing my partner because I knew he wouldn't want a baby, he barely has time for these already...

The pack came and I decided I had to tell him, I think really I wanted him to stop me and save us, but he didn't, he agreed I should... So I did.

I was now 5 weeks 2 days pregnant and I swallowed the first tablet, oh how I cried after I tried to make myself bring it back up, I couldnt, I brought up myblunch instead, he tablet stayed firmly down. I had twinges, but no bleeding, I researched endlessly whether I could reverse what I'd done... Not on the NHS, I researched it's chances of survival 8-25% 8 being for the lowest gestational age, because I'd taken the medication though I could have suffered a missed miscarriage, or miscarried later in pregnancy, I thought about waiting to see if it was fine, but I couldn't cope with the grief again if I got my hopes up. So 24 hours later I dissolved the other 4 tablets in my mouth, crying and hating myself for "killing my baby". 2 and a half hours after the tablets I started to bleed and the pregnancy passed, I only saw the sac and I was too scared to look closer. But I am heart broken.

I've split up with my partner because in so many ways I blame him, if he was more of a help with his boys (they are 3 and 1 years old) maybe I'd have felt like I had time for a baby. I regret what I've done more than words can say, if I could go back a couple of days ago, I'd change the decision I made, I wouldn't take the tablets. I know it's right for some, it just wasn't right for me.

Every time I look at my boys I picture the lost child between them. I'm so heartbroken.