My baby deserves a better mom

My baby is 7 weeks old and I feel like I’m hitting my breaking point. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t do it anymore, usually in the early mornings-afternoon. I’m a sahm and his dad works from 6am-2pm so I’m waking up with the baby at night so that he can sleep. Between being up with the baby and pumping every 2-3 hours, I’m not really getting sleep. I try to sleep when he sleeps but it somehow always lines up that he will only sleep while I’m pumping (so no sleep for me). Once I’m done he usually wakes up and cries. I’ll make sure he’s changed, fed, warm, and comfortable but he still will be crying or making a bunch of noise. I can’t let him just cry because we live in an apartment and have neighbors, so I spend the whole time trying everything possible to get him to cry, get him settled, immediately have to pump, and then repeat. The only thing that helps most of the time is giving him a pacifier (which I have to grab for him every try 5-30 seconds) or putting him on the bed next to me and having me awake to make sure he’s okay. His dad usually helps when he gets home but by that time of day, I have a really hard time trying to sleep and am just fully awake from then on. I struggle harder on some days to be able to handle it. I feel like a bad mom especially because today I told my baby to shut up and that I don’t love him. Which is absolutely not true and I know he doesn’t understand what I said but I still feel so awful that I said it. I don’t know what to do. I want to be better for him. No one has been over to help because I’m so scared of him getting sick