Just a little vent

My dad has struggled half his life with depression and this has lead to alcohol abuse and selfharm for him and hell for his family. He’s either not present at all, at work or doing whatever free time activity he’s enjoying atm. Or he’s constantly criticizing everyone around him and tries to fix things that either aren’t broken or are too broken to be fixed.

I myself have also been struggling with mental health issues for most of my life and I’m now trying to get better after I, a few months ago, tried to end my life. I’m slowly but surely making progress, but as soon as my father opens his mouth I keep wishing I never called the ER. I was alone for two weeks because my parents were renovating a house that they own and I’ve never felt so good. I lost 11 pounds alone the first week just because I wasn’t stressed or comfort eating (I was also eating healthier). And this lead to me getting the motivation to work out so I lost another 8 pounds the second week. But then they came back and I started eating trash food again or would just not eat at all and I didn’t wanna leave my room so exercising became impossible (My room is too small for me to exercise in). I’m now heavier than I’ve ever been before and my mental health is declining, I desperately need help to get out of my parents house but I don’t know where to begin. I have a job but I was advised to take a brake because my mental health was impacting my work performance so I’m not working or earning any money atm. I’ve tried applying to less stressful jobs but haven’t gotten any answers yet and I can’t get any money from the government for rent until I’ve secured an apartment. Apartment hunting is a nightmare because I have two cats that I can’t live without and nobody wants to rent to someone with two cats. I’m trying to cling onto the hope that I might get out of here soon but it’s really hard when there’s so little hope.

I would also like to say that him criticizing me isn’t the only reason why I blame him for my mental health issues, he used to sa and abuse me when I was little (until I was 15). It just in the recent years (I’m now 20) turned into verbal abuse instead of physical.