TTC Issues

Im sorry if this isnt the right forum but i didnt see any other ones. This is going to sound long and rambling but ive needed somewhere to put my thoughts for a long time and maybe someone here has been through something similar. I had my daughter 8 years ago at 24w2d via emergency traditional c section. The recovery was long and my daughter was transported 2 hours away to a lvl 3 NICU where she stayed for almost 5 months. After my recovery, i got an IUD. I was 22 and i wasnt prepared to deal with what happened a 2nd time. When my daughter turned 3 we decided it was time to try again. I had my IUD removed and we started trying. This was 2019. In 2020 at the height of the pandemic i found out we were pregnant and we were so thrilled! But i miscarried around 10 weeks. Due to covid, i had to sit alone in a curtained off section of the ER while i lost my baby, my husband wasnt allowed to be with me. It put me in a deep depression. It took a few months before i felt okay trying again but it felt even harder. I got pregnant in the summer of 2022 but lost that as well around 7 weeks with another miscarriage just 3 months later. I found out i was pregnant this last september. I set my appt and was seen at the beginning of october. Just a basic check and verification of pregnancy. They took me and my husband into the ultrasound room and got to work but there was nothing in there. There was the sack that proved i was pregnant but no baby inside. It was in ny right fallopian. An ectopic pregnancy. I opted for an injection of medication instead of the surgery. Horrible idea. Its low dose chemo medication and if youve ever met anyone on it and how sick they are, its awful. I lost all feeling in my body 2 days in while i was home alone and couldnt speak above a mumbled whisper. I was throwing up and dizzy. I laid on the bathroom floor until i could muster the strength to get up and call my husband to come home. Ive been in a bit of a depression since all of that and im turning 30 on saturday so ive been deciding if its even worth it to keep trying. And now im sitting here, 3 days late for my period with 1 slightly positive pregnancy test and 4 very negative ones playing "is it chemical" and wondering why my body doesnt work the way it should. Ive had an exam done and everything works the way it should. I shouldnt beat myself up about it, but its hard not to. Like i said, lonf and rambling. Just needed to word vomit somewhere. Sorry if this isnt the right place for it, dont come at me.