Selfish sex

God knows I love my husband but I'm kinda over our sex life. My race to the big O has always been inconsistent. Sometimes it's easy other times it takes a lot of effort. My husband doesn't seem to try anymore. I don't even want to say yes anymore. Yesterday it was some kissing and then he went straight to it. I clearly didnt get off and he didn't care. Last time I said something, he got so defensive about it and so I refused him for 3 weeks. I'd rather wait until hes gone for work and take care of myself if we're being honest. Idk what else to do.