I’m a new mom, 4 weeks postpartum at this point, and I’m still hating everything about my life.

Pretty sure my little girl is colicky, which doesn’t help anything - but everyday I wake up thinking, “if I can just make it through today, she will be older soon and I won’t hate this so much”. That is beginning to feel like a fantasy. I wake up every day, thinking, becoming a parent was the worst decision I’ve ever made.

I love my baby, and I’m excited for a day when she isn’t so little; but right now it feels like this is all there ever will be, and it’s making me crazy.

I don’t even want to hold her sometimes, I don’t have any anxiety about family taking her or watching her because I’m just so elated to be away for awhile (if the occasion arises). I dread her waking from her naps (which are only lasting about 20 minutes right now), and am still doing a lot of crying out of frustration every time she cries. My irritation and temper are quick to make appearances these days, and sometimes it’s incredibly difficult to hold myself together and keep a level head on myself. I wanna punch a hole through the floor, or the wall, or anything near by whenever I hear her stir on her monitor.

My doctor has offered medication, but I never know if it’s something I actually need? If my ‘symptoms’ would warrant medication? I do have a therapist, and working towards establishing with a postpartum specializing therapist; but am unsure if depression medications are the move here.

Everyday - I just, don’t know what to do.