I don’t know where to start. And I don’t like talking about it cause it looks like it’s my fault. I mean it was night time and I was naive to believe we were just hanging out. I remember telling him no. I remember telling him no multiple times and giving up staring into the ceiling waiting for him to finish. He saw my tears but did not stop. It hurt so much. And I was so scared of telling anyone. It was foolish of me to believe he just wanted to spend time with me. And it was even more foolish of me to agree to dating him afterwards. I didn’t want to feel used. Or discarded. I became so attached to him. I knew I didn’t love him. But I couldn’t let him go. I type this today with tears running down my face cause why did I do that? Why didn’t I speak up? Why did I let him hurt me so many times after that? Why did I stay? Why did I stay even after he forced me to have an abortion? I feel so broken. God, I feel so broken and beyond repair. Tainted. And extremely ashamed. I’m ashamed of myself. I wish I never met him. I want this pain to stop. I want to be out of my head so badly.