Bf / BD / fiance just up and left

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years this past Monday we were going through fighting and arguments and a break up. I’m not gonna lie. The four years have been pretty rocky pretty toxic but when we break up, we’ve been in such a cycle where we don’t really break up, we’re on and off and on and off and on and off, but this past Monday before we broke up we were laying in bed together and he said some out of left field stuff about possibly taking our son to Missouri with him and his family. I thought he said this remark because when I got pregnant, I moved with my family for more support because I would have none in Colorado so I was under the assumption that he’s just holding onto a lot of that pain and that’s kind of how he feels about me as if I, took our son with me and my family. This night he also takes my phone into the bathroom while I’m asleep and he goes through it for a good amount of time in the morning. I confront him on that and I say well give me your phone which I found that he changed his password he would not tell me his password that he opened up his phone for me. When I looked in his text messages, he says “ DONT LOOK THROUGH THE TEXTS BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND I “ which just out of respect I was not gonna go through the text messages between him and his mother I did not feel in need to do that, but after he said that now my suspicion has been raised fast forward we are still arguing and we don’t talk for a day or so. I reach out to him and say “hey I just want to reconnect with you. I feel extremely disconnected since the baby. I want to talk it out with you. I want to fix this. “He does not answer and at this point I look into his gym pass account to see if oh maybe he’s just at the gym and not answering me because it’s been a while and I see that he checks into a gym in three different states on three different days so without telling me he just up and left to a different state ( MO , which is where his parents live) I found this out on Friday and has been blowing up his phone all weekend still no answer from him . I would expect this behavior from a 19 year-old who I’ve been dating for three months not a 24-year-old. We’ve been together for four years and we have a child . I know that this now has to be the end of this relationship and that it’s toxic, but I can’t help but feel so broken and abandoned. I know my son and I

deserve better and that’s what everyone is telling me, but I feel as though my sadness is not being validated.