Breaking up with a great man ?

Hello! I need help.. I’m in an incredible relationship, he’s amazing in every way. We’ve been together for a year and he is consistently kind, attentive, empathetic and loving towards me. It’s secure relationship and my mind and body have healed in so many ways..

But we’re just not connecting sexually,

It was great in the beginning ~ but I’m just not wet for him or having orgasms etc like I used to.

He’s too rough

(and yes I’ve explained my preferences over and over in the last year and it’s changed slightly - but it had to change SO MUCH from his preference of roughness and me feeling a little objectified etc and also annoyed with his immature innuendos at times when I needed presence - but that has mostly changed )

We have different sex needs

I’m someone who *needs* sex, I have a big sex drive and orgasms are good for my health..

And I’m tired of overriding my preferences or comfort or wetness (or lack of) just to connect

We also have different ideas about what physical health is which has been challenging

This is going to sound horrible, but he’s heavier than any of my other partners, and I think he’s HOT, but the weight just isn’t attractive to me, and it’s probably a reason that I’m not melted on the floor desiring him ..

especially because he crushes me a little and hurts my back during the sex

So I’ve been maneuvering all that

Anyway

I’ve realized that historically my best lovers have not been healthy people..

I want a healthy relationship and good sex!!!

I want both..

And I’m just not confident that my current partner will give me the sustainable sex that I want to have a lasting relationship

I’m also clear that I’m not *in love* with him even though he treats me so well..

I love him, but it’s not the same as being dripping wet, heart blasted open, desiring someone with every once of my being and wanting to build a life with them

(I had that once and it ended it catastrophic heartbreak)

But current sweetheart is truly so wonderful,

He helps me with EVERYTHING, can cook, can give me sex WHEN I want it, can lift the heavy things and move stuff around and help pay for things and all the logistics while being an incredible partner that does all that and shows up loyally and doesn’t mind that I’m emotional sometimes

which is also HUGELY important

The man has grace and maturity typically

So This is really sad for me..

I’m also worried that I’m not going to find what I’m looking for and being with my current is still a good option