I'm numb

I have a 1 year old and she is absolutely amazing. She eats, drinks well, sleeps through the night, plays together and by herself well. Doesn't really get sick. Really I have nothing to complain about. I am numb though, my feelings are numb, I don't know who I am. I always feel like a bad mom. Every second week I work shift so my husband is doing the bed time routine alone, but when I'm on morning shift I don't want to do any of that alone and want to do it as a family. I want time away from her but if I do like going to work all I think of is her. I make things for her, I do activities for her. It's all for her. I don't want people even my husband to touch me coz I'm physically over stimulated coz she is always on or touching me. I feel like it's just autopilot for me to be there for her and even though it's not, it feels like it's all on me. I have no energy, I have no willingness to do anything. I have a completely dirty house and 4 loads of laundry that either need to be done or folded but I don't care. I don't have the time any time. I go to friends houses where I have looked after their kids for them to relax and I'm still the one running around after mine as if I'm the only person around. I'm numb. I'm numb to myself. I don't matter.