Lost..

So back in December I finally pulled the trigger on getting a divorce from my husband. Overall we’ve been married for 3 years and together almost 10. Since our separation in February of this year,I’ve been overthinking a lot. We haven’t filed any paperwork yet and I’m honestly scared to. I didn’t want a divorce but I felt that was the only option due to him being an alcoholic and our constant fighting. I mentioned plenty of marriage counseling,church, date nights, journaling things that I thought would help but nothing. I gave my all and when I said I wanted the divorce,I was still in love with him. Over the months of being separated we’ve talked here and there and he said certain things to make us work and God almighty I miss him so damn much and still love him but the problem is I always said “once I leave someone I’ll never go back.” However, I’ve met this amazing man that treats me like a queen but he has two older kids(13&16) and mentioned little comments how he doesn’t want anymore kids. When in fact I was hesitant for a minute on wanting kids of my own but now I’m starting to want to have one. So I’m stuck on trying to make it work with my future ex-husband cause I’m still in love with him and he’s changed so I can see or carry on this relationship with this amazing man that I will never have kids with ever. Just been depressed for a good minute that’s all..