In the past, I went through my bf’s phone and found porn purchases (only fans, personalized masturbating video, and celebrity nudes). The purchases were around $5-30. It bothered me and we had the talk about what I considered cheating. I DO NOT care that he watches porn because I do too. What bothers me is that with the hundreds of porn videos and porn sites, he chooses to pay money for more and that’s what I do not like. I made it perfectly clear and he understood, never had that issue again.

Move forward 2 years later, I go through his phone after I had the same bad dream again about him cheating. I don’t find any purchases on porn instead a purchase on picture editing. I do some digging and find pictures (clearly edited) of naked girls (full body) with pictures of our high school friends’ faces (6 different girls I knew, 2 I did not). I was so furious I made him sleep on the couch until I could trust him again. We had been through 6 years of many ups and few downs so I was like wtf. He didn’t physically cheat and he wasn’t even social media friends with 80% of the girls he edited. He had took great care of me during my surgery and was always supportive. Even paid my debt for college so I could enroll in my next classes.

We talked and everything slowly started to get back to normal. Move forward 3 more years. We’re now into year 9 of our relationship and we’ve been doing good. I was nervous about what had happened in the past and one day curiosity just got to me. I searched through his phone while he was sleeping and again I found the same images from before and a few more added. Are you fucking kidding me? We stopped becoming intimate, I distanced myself until he could prove to me that was last straw. Truth be told, I probably should have left after that. But I stayed. 9 years of life with a man who helps around the house, supportive of my career, pushes me to follow my dreams, defends me to anyone who speaks bad of me, all of that gone because he has a porn addiction. He said he could get help. So I believed him.

Move forward to 3 years later. This year. We’re now 12 years together. And we’re married. I went through his phone at the end of last year (before we got married) and it was clean. He had regular porn saved and screenshots saved. He hadn’t purchased anything nor had any apps downloaded. I THOROUGHLY went through his phone because I could not get married to someone who was telling me he was better and good and making me think he was when he really wasn’t. But I didn’t find anything and I talked to him. He was disappointed I went through his phone but said after what he had done he understood. He said anytime I feel anything, I can ask to see his phone and he will just hand it over.

And now it’s 6 months into our marriage and we’re doing great. Of course we have our arguments but it’s normal stuff. Yet in the back of my head I still wonder. Is that wrong of me? He said he got help and I didn’t find anything. 2.5 years later after I found stuff on his phone, he didn’t break his promise. His vows touched my heart and I believe him but I’m scared of getting hurt. I told myself that he changed and I needed to trust him. In marriage trust is very important and I don’t want to keep bringing up old stuff. So idk what to do.