Hi, okay, I'm feeling really bad today and could use some advice.

My boyfriend and I attended a party with some friends of ours last Saturday. Everything was going well, and I heard a song playing in the party tent that my boyfriend and I find funny, so I went to get him and stepped out of the tent. I saw him talking with two other guys who don't really sit well with my friends and me. They’re boastful, quite misogynistic, and sexist, and I’m not fond of them. Anyway, fine. As I got closer, I overheard my boyfriend telling them that on his vacation (before he started dating me), he had to fend off women. I saw him showing photos on his phone, and then one of those guys saw me approaching and said, "Shh, there she comes, there she comes, quiet!" That made me instantly not want to join their conversation, so I turned around and walked away.

What he did on his vacation before our relationship is his business, but I didn't want to be part of that conversation, especially when I heard I wasn't welcome and that he needed to be quiet -

So I walked away, but soon felt a hand grip my arm and turn me around. I thought he grabbed me too hard, so I pulled my arm back. He said it wasn’t what it seemed like we were talking about.

At that moment, I was quite irritated, so I asked, "Oh, and why do you have to be quiet when I come over then?" He got really angry and started shouting that if I didn’t believe him, I should go ask those guys what they were talking about and what he had been saying about me. Every time I tried to respond, he’d wave me off with, "Go ask those guys then, go ahead, go!" I really didn’t feel like doing that, so I walked away.

I felt on the verge of a panic attack and looked for the bathroom to retreat for a bit, but then I bumped into one of those guys who immediately started telling me that it was crazy that I walked away and that it was "crazy bitches" behavior. At that moment, I was speechless, and then my boyfriend came up and yelled at me, "Do you believe me now?" and then he threw his drink on the ground and stormed off before I could say anything.

At that point, I wanted to go after him, but that guy kept ranting at me, saying something about his ex, which I wasn't really listening to at that moment. When he paused for a second, I said I just wanted to go to my boyfriend for a moment. He responded, "Go to your boyfriend then, go, go!" while pointing with his finger that I should leave. I found this really bizarre, but I really didn’t want to deal with it, so I went to find my boyfriend. He was by the bathrooms and was talking loudly in my face, saying he was fed up with me always assuming the worst and not trusting him. I replied that I understood it’s frustrating and that it does indeed seem like I don’t trust him, but I found the situation very odd and that the "there she comes, quiet, quiet" was just really weird. He kept yelling at me, and then some friends came over and asked if I was okay. They looked at me with concern, and before I could answer, my boyfriend responded, "Yeah, everything’s fine here, nothing to worry about, we’ll be there soon." A friend then looked at me again and asked, "Yeah? Are you really okay?" To which I teared up and replied, "Yes, it’s okay, we just need to talk, but we’ll be there soon."

Meanwhile, I apologized multiple times for walking away at that moment and wanting to be alone for a bit, but he kept going on about how I clearly don’t trust him, which is the foundation of a relationship, etc. I asked if we could please discuss this another time at home and that I was sorry again, but he needed to calm down because he was speaking really loudly and sometimes pointing his finger in my face during the conversation, which made people look, and I found that embarrassing.

I should also mention that when he’s had too much to drink, he can get pretty angry, and I noticed that I wasn’t getting anywhere with him in the conversation, which is why I wanted to discuss it another time when he was sober -

After this, he walked away and spent the rest of the evening with those guys. Every time I approached, he walked away again. No more words were exchanged after that, which really upset me. Friends noticed I was feeling bad, and they took good care of me, thankfully. Two friends even went to talk to him, telling him he was being unfair and shouldn’t be so angry, but unfortunately, that didn’t change anything about the evening.

At the end of the night, people started heading home. Since I was supposed to drive people home, I only had a glass of wine at the beginning and then drank water. I would drive, and my boyfriend and two other friends were riding home with me (they live just around the corner from us).

At the parking lot, we said goodbye to friends, and then it was just me, my boyfriend, and a friend left in the parking lot. I said I would go get the car, as it was parked a bit further away, and the friend said she would go say goodbye to some people. At that moment, my boyfriend had a choice: he could either walk with me to the car, and we could talk and make up after not speaking for about 4 hours, or he could walk with her. And he chose the latter, so I walked to the car alone. Once in the car, I had to pull myself together again. I felt abandoned, ignored, ridiculed by that guy, and sidelined. My boyfriend had seen me crying and talking with four friends that night, and he did nothing about it.

After the party, we argued again at home, and he kept insisting on why he was angry, and I couldn’t get through to him to explain how it was for me. I thought the next day would be better since he would be sober and maybe able to understand how the evening was for me, but even the next day, he kept standing his ground, defending himself, and I didn’t get much further.

Last night, he finally apologized after first denying a few things and downplaying my experience. I had also apologized again for my reaction of walking away and assuming the worst. But now, I just feel really empty and disappointed. I’m ashamed that this happened at the party of good friends of ours, and I don’t know what to do at this point. I actually want to book a hotel and get away for a bit, but maybe that’s not the smartest thing to do. What would you do in this situation? Or what would you have done at the party? I just don’t know anymore.

Thanks for reading!! 🩷