Hello,

I don’t have very nonjudgmental friends so this is my safe space. I’ve been married for 2 years and over those three years my husband and I struggled with intimacy. Meaning, he struggles to stay hard, or to withhold his orgasm beyond seconds to maybe a few minutes of sex. When I first brought it up he said things like “I just need to get used to your body” “we just need to have sex more”. First time we ever tried was in a car and he couldn’t get it up and he said “the car seat was uncomfortable”. We have had maybe a few encounters where he maintained the hardness but we always had to pause to stop him from having an orgasm early. After years of excuses he went to a GP who referred him elsewhere but he’s yet to follow up. He did get a sperm analysis and find out that his sperm count is low and he’s likely impotent. I was ingle for over 3 years before marriage and sex is very important to me. We talked about open marriage and he said he would consider it but he never brought it back up after months. I brought back up today and needless to say after hours of talking, he says we may have to just separate and eventually divorce as he does not know if he can consider another man pleasing me. I feel like he dragged out getting the medical help I suggested and kept making excuses then after I got tired of the compromise he prefers to check out. I can’t blame him because if I were not able to satisfy him and I am not comfortable knowing he is sleeping with someone else then I would do the same. I just can’t live a sexless marriage. Even when we were married we went months without having sex because he just doesn’t initiate. That’s when I researched that someone can be asexual. I don’t know. What’s everyone’s thoughts on the importance of sex in a marriage, open marriages or divorcing if partners are not sexually compatible?