So... I don't even know how this happened and I'm just in my feelings right now. I don't even know why I'm posting this here.

So on Saturday, I was at my mom's for the weekend and I noticed I had no milk coming out when I nursed my daughter at night. My supply has been drying up for some time but I was still a bit shocked that it stopped completely. I talked with my husband later on the phone and said "Yeah I guess I have to stop breastfeeding completely now. It's kind of sad, but I knew it was coming." Our daughter is almost 2.

On Sunday I came home and grabbed a frozen milk from the fridge upstairs and warmed it up for my daughter for bedtime. Didn't think anything of it. My husband was home from work today and when I came home, I noticed he cleaned. This is something he usually does on his day off.

Then I noticed all the milk from the freezer in the garbage. My heart DROPPED. Like almost 200oz of milk, good milk, gone. It was room temp and he'd thrown it out that morning, and it was now bedtime. No salvaging it. So my daughter had her last breast milk on Sunday and I didn't even know it.

I asked him what was going on and he said "You said you were done breastfeeding". Lots of tears, yelling at each other... He maintains that I should have been clearer that our daughter still drank breast milk and I wanted it kept. He says that when someone is "done breastfeeding" usually it means someone isn't drinking breast milk anymore. I disagree and told him at the very least, he should have asked me first before throwing the milk out.

Then I took out the garbage and in the garage garbage was alllllllll my pumping supplies. I was like, "Oh you threw out all my pumping supplies and everything too?!" Like we're talking a pump, pads, extra parts that hadn't been opened (but he OF COURSE opened them to throw in the garbage), and milk storage bags. I was like, "Why would you do that?!"

He said that I should have been clear about wanting them kept. I said "Don't you think you should have asked me before throwing these out? These could have been donated to a women's shelter. Now it's been in the garbage and can't be used." He said I'm done breastfeeding so what's the issue.

I just feel like this was ripped from me like it didn't matter. I didn't even get to enjoy giving my daughter her last breastmilk because I didn't know it was her last one.

I am in a huge slump right now and I don't even know what to do anymore. Like I don't even have anything to make jewellery out of (which is something I wanted to do). I just feel so empty.