I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I notice that lately, he commonly talks to me like I’m just a nuisance to him. Last week, he started going off about my clothes, how I go out, what time I go out, my friends. I went through a traumatic death a few days ago and I thought it might bring us closer but I feel like he’s just getting worse. This morning started off with me crying to him that I lost this shirt. He told me to just let it be lost and started saying how it “attracts the wrong attention and gets me in trouble”. I said something back and he ignored it for a pretty long time. And it said he was active. So I just deleted my messages. He always is on my case if he feels like I’m ignoring him so I was annoyed. He texted me and said “you’re dumb” and then said that I’m “insecure about him living his life” and that I can’t say that’s not true because that’ll mean I’m delusional. Then, really long story short, he accused me of being racist, mean and hateful. When I asked him how, he says “any woman that you even hear about”, then mentions a girl that I felt uncomfortable with A YEAR AGO because he sent her a video of him showing his haircut in a mirror with only boxers and told me it’s “different than if I were to do it”, and then broadly says “girls on his Facebook” but his list is private and no one interacts with his Facebook. (Mind you, he also interrogates me about all of my friends and one time even told me how “black guys don’t respect women”.) Then he turns and say how they annoy him now and he doesn’t care about them anyways. Then starts telling me that he doesn’t believe I use deodorant before we have sex. He used to tell me he doesn’t believe that I showered either. I told him I would switch deodorants then and asked him to tell me if it helped and he said he shouldn’t have to and asked if I pay attention or “have a radar in my head bc it’s common sense”. Then says he doesn’t like scents anyways. I mention body washes I want to try and he doesn’t like any of those either. But if I mention breaking up to him, he says he’s just explaining why he’s frustrated.

I just don’t get it. I feel like if I was THIS annoyed by someone I’d just let them go. Not stay with them just to continue to hound them about every little thing. My mom told me that he’s “devaluing me” and trying to make me feel less than him