Asked not to bring dog

Ok I'm needing some honest opinion from parents and parents of littles.

I solo parent during the week with my three young kids 5, 3, and just turned 1. I have no problem doing things on my own with my kids and they have tons of activities they are involved in. I do have anxiety around crowds and safety with my kids.

I have a cousin without kids and she sometimes invites herself which is fine we love her. The issue is she brings her dog.

The dog is usually in a stroller with more toys then my baby owns in clothes more expensive than my baby. The issue is with two strollers and two kids and a baby and a dog it's absolutely chaos. Places are not made for dogs it draws crowds around my kids. My kids who are used to their dog (are dogs are the same breed siblings from the same litter) she yells at my kids for touching her dog. Or playing with it. It turns into more stress for me to be managing my children around this dog and the people around talking to my kids.

I mentioned to my cousin when she wanted to do something that I was taking my kids to a trunk or treat at my three year olds school. She invited her self. I was fine with that. She then said her "kid" was coming in its Costume. I explained nicely that the dog adds an element of more chaos and I preferred at my kids events the dog doesn't come. That dogs with so many kids and costumes can stress out. That I was already dealing with three kids by myself.

She was upset started crying saying I didn't understand this was her child. That her "kid" goes everywhere with her and she wasn't coming without her kid. I'm very sensitive to the fact of her being childless and have empathy for her. I still stand by not every situation is meant for her dog. She's upset I called the dog a DOG.

She told me I would be mad if I couldn't bring my kids places. I told her there are many places we don't bring our children such as restaurants because people pay to be there and don't want my kids there. Or weddings we don't bring our kids. But at my son's school that is an event for him and for kids it is appropriate for my children to be attending.

I get super stressed out in safety situations for my kids she knows this too. I understand she is hurt and I'm sorry she is but I still don't want her dog joining my kids and me to a big function with tons of people.

How do I move on and help her I'm so stressed out now she hung up and was crying and I couldn't sleep at night when conflict happens it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I shouldn't have to tip toe and not call her dog a dog or treat her dog the same as I treat my children. I have pets I love them and they are a huge part of my family but I don't bring my dog or cats places with us when it involves my children. I'm a huge pet advocate but a dog is a dog.

I'm happy she is filling a void with love and her dog brings her joy when I tell her this she just becomes angrier. I don't think anything I can say can help her.

Tomorrow I'm attending the event alone with my kids and I'm happy about it but know she is missing out on joy. That makes me sad.

***Safety concerns are what I told her are it's too many moving parts for myself to handle. I can manage my kids but start adding more moving parts makes my job more complicated. It's large crowds sidewalks so having an extra person with littles fine. Having two strollers means my kids are going single file and are bouncing in people's ways. The aspect of strangers talking to my children and having more then necessary isn't something I'm ok with. Then there is my special child who has bathroom issues. I can't take the dog into the business so I'm going to be fighting my kids to follow with me and my five year old has issues with impulse, bathroom, and eye sight. So he takes more of my energy and I have him in therapy for these things. But that is safety that most families of average children who are a typical don't have to deal with. Cousin is very weird about her dog in the aspect of her wanting attention for the dog but doesn't want anyone going near dog as she has autoimmune disease. It's my children's school so I don't need my cousin to embarrass me with her getting mad at people for coming to close which has happened before. Also I didn't invite my cousin she invited herself I didn't invite anyone. This was my evening with my kids. Also I'm not jealous I'm trying to give a good description of how she views her dog not that her dog is living a better life then my kids 😆 my kids are fine and I'm the least jealous person. I do have anxiety about my kids safety and if she were to have to come and have to bring her dog I simply just wouldn't go and that isn't a solution. I have empathy for her but that doesn't mean I should have to treat her dog like she does.