3ways and relationships

I’m married to my hubby and I’ve had a girlfriend for 3 years this December.

They’ve started to have sex and we’ve all had a good time the past 2 years.

Up until recently, I’ve started to become numb during/after.

Mostly after, I get quiet and I’m not jealous I just feel nothing.

My body responds to them having sex. It seems to turn me on physically but mentally and emotionally I feel nothing.

Maybe I am jealous and I’m trying to protect myself from those feelings so I’m shutting my brain off but I’m too afraid to say something.

Writing it out actually makes it slightly clearer… I think watching them gets me going but also makes me mad. Then that resentment makes me feral and I want to have sex with another man to make them feel some type of way.

That’s fucking twisted. What would you do?