I don't want my step son on family vacation

I know I'm going to get hate for this but I really can't help how I feel. Me and my husband have really never gotten to do anything big with family. We've never had the money because we have 5 kids plus my step son. We have the money for a family vacation and we are planning it. I don't want my step son there. My husband stepped out of our marriage when I was pregnant with my first. He got another woman pregnant. I was angry. I hoped the baby died.. Then he was born 2 months early because his mom was on drugs. So I felt guilty. He survived. His mom died while he was in the NICU from an overdose so he's always lived with us. He's 14 now. My oldest is 15. As wrong as it is I can't love him. I know you're supposed to love motherless children but I hate him. He's my reminder. Before anyone says my husband stepped out. Yeah he did and has spent the last 15 years making it up to me. Yes I chose to have more children with him. Because he showed me he was sorry. Everyone knows about my husband cheating. I didn't hide it. I wasn't going to lie and pretend this child was mine. He's not. He's a 'bastard' in the literal sense. He gets along okay with 2 out of 5 of my kids. He only gets along with my son because they grew up together and my 12 year old daughter and him just likes the same things. The rest of my kids don't like him. I barely speak to him. I avoid it if I can. I don't go to parent teacher conferences for him. I don't buy him Christmas presents. My husband stepped out to create him. That's his child to care for. His responsibility to go to parent teacher conferences. His responsibility to buy him presents. His to go to doctors appointments. Needs to be picked up from school because he got into a fight, he gets him. Drank too much and wet his bed. He cleans it. Outgrowing His clothes. He buys them. Beeds braces for his teeth. My husband saved for it. His to do anything for HIS son and I don't want him on this family vacation! I want my family. What I imagined my family to be. He ruined it. I have taken care of him and been force to be his "mom" for 14 years. I deserve my chance to just have my family.

@Jena I'm not going to divorce my husband. We made it through this long. Almost 20 years and 5 children. We overcome a lot in our marriage and made it out.

@Ki I've actually seen a few post on here about people not liking their step kids and usually at least one person validates them. My husband also isn't going to leave me. He has 5 kids with me and did everything to win back my trust

Edit: One thing I am NOT is a child abuser. I have never laid hands on any child. None of my kids have even been spanked and I have never laid a hand on my step son and never will. I refuse to abuse children. Don't call me a child abuser for not liking a reminder of my life changing