Is my husband abusive?

There’s several instances of physical things that my husband has done to me over the years. But in my mind I always downplay it afterwards and act like it didn’t happen or that it’s not as bad as it seems or I blow it off. I have no idea if any of this is “normal” or common for others. Because for me it has been for the past 14 years. We got together young so he’s the only serious relationship I’ve ever had. It doesn’t happen all the time, but something physical (out of anger) happens about once a year, give or take. Since it’s not like an everyday or even weekly/monthly thing, I kind of blow these things off whenever it does happen. I know I shouldn’t. I’ll give one example of the last physical encounter that happened last year while we were on vacation.

We were in the car with our two kids and we stopped to get food to-go. My husband went in and ordered while I stayed in the car with the kids. When he came back to the car, he told me what he ordered (without asking me first) and I said i would have rather had something different. I know I shouldn’t complain, but I just really didn’t want what he ordered so I was being honest. He got mad and said I should have specified but I thought he was gonna call me before ordering. I got over it and was like whatever.. oh well. But the whole way back to our vacation rental he screamed at me so loud in front of our kids. I told him to stop but he refused. I wasn’t really saying much anymore besides trying to get him to calm down and for some reason that always makes him act worse. He got so mad that he picked up our kids gigantic lollipop and slammed it into the side of my head really hard and it broke and got all over the place (I had a sore spot on my head for like a week after that) He cried and said he was sorry later and he felt so bad. It made me feel better that he actually showed remorse. I truly don’t think he really wanted to hurt me but he has severe anger issues and can lash out. I’m just worried one day he might do something worse out of anger since he will get that mad about me not preferring a food order.. other things he has gotten mad at me for is me disagreeing with him or having a different opinion than his. It’s getting old to have to have to change who I truly am at times so that he won’t get mad.