Size issue 🥲

In a committed relationship, I absolutely adore this man so much. He is so kind, caring, empathetic, goes above and beyond to make me laugh and brighten my day. He soothes that inner child of mine, never makes me feel insecure or misunderstood.

I wouldn’t trade him for the world. I’m very lucky to have this man in my life ❤️

However one thing we are struggling with is intimacy 😔 As soon as there’s penetration there’s pain 😢 (I am definitely wet and we have tried adding lube too) we take things slow and he is constantly checking in with me and trying positions that are comfortable for me, and for the most part in the moment it is very enjoyable, but there is always an element of pain or discomfort and afterwards there is pain and swelling for up to 3 days and sometimes blood as well.

At this point I’m wondering if I need to see a doctor? I’ve had children but not naturally, I feel like I’m not “stretching” like I’m supposed to, like I’m just tearing instead no matter what we try. He definitely has a large girth but not anything I’d say is crazy or abnormal. He is the largest in girth I have been with and I haven’t had this tearing issue with others, so I know it is partly his size, but I feel like being warmed up, ready and lubricated that this shouldn’t be happening?

He feels terrible (and is sometimes hurt himself, he has torn foreskin in the past) and I’m feeling upset as I want to be intimate and enjoy each other instead of being taken out the moment as he can tell I’m trying to push past it and he isn’t wanting to hurt me. Or even if we have a night where it’s not too uncomfortable and we both enjoy it, there’s no way we can follow it up the next day as I’ll be swollen and tender.

Is this a medical issue? Or has anyone experienced this who can please offer some tips or something I can do to better enjoy intercourse without injury?

I thought maybe more foreplay? But I’m not sure how to bring this up with him. I’m always very wet prior to intercourse, his kissing and touching gets me there, but maybe more is needed? Why do I feel to embarrassed to ask for more? But also even when I’m soaked it hasn’t stopped the tearing/swelling issue.

Honestly I wish I could talk to my girlfriends about this. It feels very isolating :( I’m thinking I need to maybe speak to my GP but I feel a bit embarrassed asking.