I’m destroyed from trying to work again after years of not being able to work due to child with needs

It’s been so horrible trying to get back into working after years being home with our kids and a son with needs.

I’ve interviewed so many times- definitely can’t count it on my fingers anymore. Every kind of interview you can imagine too… rounds of interviews. I’ve made it to the final round so many times and even nope- took someone else with more experience which is understandable. I’ve had to take lots of trainings and all to boost my resume

Then I had to take part time jobs with no benefits. I’ve been treated so poorly this past year in these crap jobs- no benefits and no value. I have a masters degree in speech therapy… 6 years of extremely hard work… but I have 6 years I didn’t really work.

Then… the references. It’s literally caused me so much anxiety trying to keep some of my references/supervisors from years ago. Awkward reaching out to them 10 years later.. have to fully explain myself… not sure how many times they’ve been contacted because I had to apply to many jobs

Then one just wrote me back that I could list her name but cannot speak to my skills anymore. It’s one of my main references.

My current position is so toxic and I’m going to try to ask for a current reference from them and so hope they will be respectful enough to give me that after how they have treated me… I need it. It’s a part time position and telling them that I’m looking for another part time position now or possibly full time by the summer. I’ve done my job and love my students

I can’t sleep.. had to get out of bed because my one supervisor wrote me at 11 pm… then I saw it and it just crushed me. I worked a long time ago for her, but still for 2 years.

My husband doesn’t understand any of it or emotionally can’t be there for me.

It’s been very rough couple of years- taking of our son with needs, having a newborn, raising them both, trying to find decent daycare, all the sickness then my work just being crap or all the hardship to get a decent job. I’m so burnt out…

The references are causing me so much stress