How active are your kids grandparents?

Question

How often does your child grandparents visit or call to check on the kids? Are the grandparents active or not active? How do you deal with the grandparents that are not active(meaning rarely call or attend events)?

Answer

My parents are very active with my children. They see them 3-4 times a week and talk to them on the phone every single day. My husbands father doesn't visit or call so he only sees them during holidays. He doesnt make an effort so neither do we. I don't even think about him at all. It's not a big deal to me at all that he doesn't have a relationship with them. It's his loss.

Answer

My parents are pretty active. We live a few hours away and we all are busy but they write and call and we see each other as much as we can. My inlaws we dont see much partly because they don't really like us a ton (me or husband) but they also hate that we wont let them do whatever they want when they want with zero restrictions. They dont like we still make the kids listen to our rules when they are around and that we tell them no to things like tossing our middle kid in the air because they HATE it and asks grandpa to.stop and he doesn't...it terrifies them but grandpa thinks it is fun so he does it anyway. Or that my kids are allowed to say no to giving hugs and they often do because they are not super huggy kids. Or asking them to not give my 6 mobth old a wedding ring or necklace to chew on. They have 4 other kids 3 of which have kids that they get to do whatever with because they fund their lavish lives or they work for my fil so they never get told no so they prefer them. We deal with it by not caring. I am never going to force someone in my kids life and if they dont want to be around us because I wont let them scare my kids or out them at risk thats their choice. They will miss out my kids are happy as clams though. If they wanna be apart of their lives they are welcome to but they need to respect my kids boundries.

Answer

My parents live a mile down the road. They see the kids A TON. Every Friday. Most Saturdays. A random day in the week most weeks. My 3 year old has been practicing spending the night. They pick the kids up for random dates (dollar store dates, ice cream dates, clothes shopping). 
My husband’s mom lives in another state. She texts and calls often. She sends boxes of snacks and money for treats. She loves getting and showing off their pictures. 
My husband’s dad (divorced from mom) isn’t that involved. He also lives in another state. We want it that way. His new wife crossed too many lines and is never allowed to interact with our children. He calls occasionally and we give minimal updates. He sends gifts sometimes on holidays but we never expect or draw attention if one comes or not. We visit him and him alone at a restaurant when we visit the state he’s in. 
My grandparents weren’t very involved. My parents didn’t draw attention to it or overly discuss it with us until we were older. When I was around 17/18 I really noticed it. Both my sets had favorites (kid and grandkids). Both my parents weren’t the favorites and therefore their kids were also not as important. My parents just made sure we were loved and had fun without the grandparents.

Answer

My husbands parents are right down the road from us. His mom is VERY involved. I don’t think I’ve bought a single item for our kids because gift giving is her love language. She’s the one we call if we need a baby sitter. She’s the “non parental” emergency contact. She’s great. His dad is present, comes to events, plays with them but doesn’t really go out of his way. My husband also has a great aunt who pretty much raised him and is like a third grandmother. She watches both our kids daily since she owns a daycare. They call her auntie grandma lol. 
My parents are also involved. They live about 2 hours away but my dad will drive to us once a month and visit. He calls regularly if he hasn’t heard from us. Hes the only grandparent that will pick our kids up and take them out solo. My mother and I have a strained relationship and she’s present for events and buys the over the top stuff. Pretty much grandparents in a way that makes her look good. It’s very self serving. I’ve recently set boundaries with her and she has made 0 efforts to see or talk to my kids unless she has to.

Answer

Her dads parents are very active. They live with them (we have 50/50 custody so every other week) so she sees his dad every day and his mom spends as much time as she can with her and the 2 other grand babies when she is home (shes a travel nurse so she is gone a lot on 13 week assignments). My parents have never visited other than twice right after she was born (they live 4 hours away but always expected me to make the drive and never them), they never call, never video call, never text, never check up on her at all. They have been cut out of our lives.

Answer

My son’s grandparents are not at all involved. 2 of the 4 have never met my son. My dad had met, spent a few days with us and then disappeared. My MIL lives downstairs in our duplex. She rarely sees my 6 year old son. She doesn’t ask about him, doesn’t interact with him even when together. She’ll buy a package of fruit once in a while and acts as though she has earned the “grandma of the year” award! Too bad, because my son is such a social butterfly. But because of these family relationships being the way they are, I can see it will take a toll.

Answer

My mom actually lives with us so they see her everyday. She has dementia so she doesn’t watch them, but she’s here.
My mother in law is 20 minutes away but doesn’t drive. We try to see her weekly, and bring her to games/events the kids have. They FaceTime but not often. She babysits whenever we ask.
My dad lives 90 minutes away, I speak with him everyday, multiple times a day. My kids hop on calls whenever they’re around when I’m talking to him. We see him in person monthly at least. We also do vacations with him. He comes to games/events but not every one. He’s at every holiday. 
My kids also have a generation of great aunts and uncles they live 45 minutes-6 hours away. They are in a group chat and ask about them daily. They all FaceTime and show up for holidays. They do their best to come to games/events but they’re all 65+ and not as mobile. They send lots of stuff in the mail, cards to bigger gifts. My kids have relationships with all of them, and recognize them. 
I will say that relationships work both ways, and sometimes they require us teaching people how we want to be treated. If you want a daily call, you may be the one who has to do the dialing for awhile. If you want people to show up, you may have to send personalized invites consistently and accept a few ‘no’s’ before it’s a regular yes. Sometimes the effort needs to be on your part to build into mutual effort.

How active are your kids grandparents?

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