Cycle day 43

Any advice or just someone to talk to/listen would be great.

I know I’m crazy but I’ve had late periods before and gotten my hopes up for years, so much money wasted & always hyper fixating whether I could be pregnant for years… so when I’m late I don’t get excited like I used to bc I’m saving myself from a depression funk when it turns out I’m not because even when I’m late- my period has always shows up by latest day 38-39!

January 24th was my last period. This is a new record for me.. I keep saying it’ll come tomorrow so I’m not gonna test but it still hasn’t. I’ve had cramps- swearing I’d get my period but nope, lots of emotions and easy to cry, my boobs look/ feel big, hungry- but that’s normal pms symptoms for me sometimes.

My cycle are usually 31-36 days & like I said before latest ever 38-39 days.

Idk what to do. I wanna take a test but I don’t even wanna cry when it’s negative yet again ya know?

No one talks about how soul crushing that is to repetitively see when you want a baby so badly.

But Tomorrow will be cycle day 44.